Love Me Tender

I left my job for a book authorship because I'm ill and it seems the end of the world for me because I'm dependent on medication... and my mother has reach old age even had diabetes! I know I can work ratrace because of regulated drugs side effect. I cannot understand why. What I know is that I still have GOD and I'm a Christian. If I do things for man... it's because of Jesus!.... i love humanity more than my self. I wonder if I still have respect to self... but there's one thing I know I trust God even Jesus and He can save me in time. I look for the solution, and gambled for DIVINE MERCY HEALING MINISTRY.... when I added i slep[t late that evening before our Trip to Capiz in the Philippines.. I know this is mercy!.... i went there but during healing I closed my eyes and never participate...till I doze off to sleep... for the first time, I slept day time without drugs...Somebody woke me up but i went back to closing my eyes.... I'm aware by then that my mind is awake... and i deal it up myself... and entrust everything to God, my Lord and my Saviour who loved me even for the first time. I say in prayer somebody help me.... i hear group of healers praying....and souls yearning. I know I have come to my My LORD for succor... but, the devils are playing their tricks again... and I'm weak, though I still hope, In GOD I'm Strong!... but the the strongman has taken over...even... him who envy a lot Jesus... i hear voices nowhere in my left ear...and i was conquered. I woke up and found my self different to me...it seem spirit have taken over me... i was banged three times while having my arms in the figure of the cross as to the man crucified holding firmly on netted iron fence...and i choked... i lost my voice...and think of others even my family left at home back to Panay Island... pride of the Filipino for having the famous Boracay Island and the mother of all festivals, the Sto. Nino de Kalibo Ati-Atihan Festival... celebrated in January....I think of my high school classmates...we had just celebrated our pearl anniversary in January 11. 2012. I think of my ill mother...and forgot myself... I'm groaning in pain because I'm holding the iron flesh tight... no, iron netted fence. I want to cry... but i start in ravage crampling banged backward the fence several times and my legs elevation severely crushing my body and hands in pain growling like an animal hurting my fingers that hold the netted fence with,...barb wires above???... i don't remember it well... maybe I'm already starting to hallucinate but I'm conscious seeming crying... because I'm already banging several times hurting deep my body... I want to yell already but no voice came out... in great speed... i was banging hardly to the fence and my fingers are already hurting me....legions of demons has taken over my body but my mind and my heart were fixed on Jesus! Group of Catholic Christians healers rush to my side and they take turns...prayed over me! holding my head... even my arms...touching firmly my chest backward....One of them tried to open my arms holding the fence with my fingers. "Trust in God," "You will not be harmed, he said... one with gentle voice said, "Please shout the name Jesus,"... And I yelled loudly......"JESUSSSSSSS!" Then he said, "For now...speak to Jesus softly even silently in your mind, even without speaking audibly!" Then I signed in my mind...."Jesus I love you with the love of the Father,"...please forgive me of my sins." Then seemingly I seem to hear in my mind, even my heart.... TRUST MY CHILD everything will be okay. To make it short... " I returned to my composure... and relaxed and they said, "Take away your hands from the fence." "Trust in GOD,.....even Jesus!" It's a beautiful story... I returned to normalcy....They select prayer leaders that are new ones entrusted of their prayer house chapters... and they initiated. All of them kneeling for an hour! I did not Join them.... I was at the back of the site even away from at the back the building laughing heartily with a nun...enjoying counseling... with a young boy listening. and smiling at us! Enjoying listining... a young boy in elementary. We spoke clean things... and I adviced him to stay away from the Internet. I was already happy... we went home and while riding the L-Tri, I kept waving to strangers...and throwing new coins to bystanders... even with children... others waved back to me. "Have I gone out of my mind..." My fellow passengers just let me but others try on stipping me from throwing coins from my plastic bottle medicine container! I'm so happy....then they... suggest to me asking, Do you have songs to sing?" I sang praising song I learned from the Oneness... particularly the United Pentecostal Church, Int'l. And then... healers in my native town took turns in counseling me asking me questions from time to time.
      It's now five days since we left the healing place in Capiz...and I still haven't taken medicines in day time except supplements like "malunggay", tueog-tueog, and sibukaw! AND  ANOTHER famous supplements.... my medicine in night time particularly tranquilizer and relaxant have reduced to minimal... Since then.... I only trusted in God and in my family for the mean time...I stayed away from people.
     Calls keep coming and our phones have been ringing but I answered no one...because my injection was out of stock for one week. I said, I already will deny or get mad... but no, I still have GOD to trust. Or Jesus. My mother motioned forcely to me to answer the phone of one lady... but I shook my head... I don't want to talk to anybody except my immediate family at home. I said, now God will be placed to test. I have to try if I'm already well. Supplements have all been consumed and I only have water Sibukaw left to consume and minimal prescribed medicines at night except medicine for cough. Days passed and I no longer cough a lot. I said, in my heart, God has made me well! ... even returned me to normalcy. then I already wanted to go out of the house. I want to get my pants I had asked the dress maker to sew for me. It's now almost a week and I feel nothing unusual. I have earned my healing. The Lord God had mercy on me even with only water, juice, milk and food. My trust in Jesus has worked well. I am healed.

Nourishing perfume

More than two thousand years ago, a Man was rumored as God. Born in Bethlehem, he possessed a strange spirit acclaimed as the spirit of his Father (Isaiah 11:2). He was queer and bizarre, because he was conceived by the so-called Holy Ghost through a woman, represented as the woman Israel, which though simple and quiescent, according to stories contemplated upon by the contemplatives in the doctrines of the contemporary desert fathers, was not conceived in sin by Anna, the wife of Joachim.

This woman who bore the child I may call as Jessie, was tagged as the Immaculate Conception, and was a loving cousin of Elizabeth who coincidentally was bearing in her womb a child, who would eventually eat locust as his meal and never tasted wine. He calls Herodias an adulteress and Herod a thief of his brother’s wife.

Thousands of years after, I existed here among the new generation and was likely sinful too. But I trust God that he would help me change the course of my journey. After all, He knows the proper time for him to subdue my misery. For the meantime, I content myself in being patient with the desert period of my life.

Eventually, a spiritist identified me indwelt with spirits in my confusing condition. He heard me answer his questions lamenting about my state of marketplace. This is maybe why some mistake me a strange man and thought I was different. I’m aware that I was the common topic of students. It would not differ with teachers and a few of other more people. However, I observed that I was loved and preferred by many a couple of years ago as a return to my love for them.

My God from a distance was watching me in joyful acquaintance and hilarious moments with students.  He is consistent in believing the truth about how I felt for the humanity while a bit transcendent. I am likely mistaken by people around who could not understand me feeling concern for others and being involved with their activity. It seems to me that I am misunderstood as I am merged with the cosmos. That’s why some ridiculed me, except for those who captured my cosmic appearance creating intimacy.

However in the later stage of my journey, I was displeased as I become withdrawn feeling separation from the new generation though visible as I become quiet listening to their anguish and desperation of my cocoon period with me unable to respond to their accusations as I become carnal with my choices and turned sinful in some ways. I faithfully listened to them as out of my inconsiderate silence, I made them cruel enough with their pronouncements. There I understood what indifference silence could cause with them frustrated enough to help me.

To rely to this Jessie I love was to me like nourishing the sweetest perfume. He was called in the same name by a friend of mine who is a nun, that to her, Jessie in his childhood was found preaching in the temple at an early age answering the questions of teachers and doctors. He when found by his father and mother, declared to them that He was in His Father’s House and they ought not to bother looking for him.

Here I stop, and pause, and feel sad that I don’t want to continue this writing. Who am I? I’m not different but was also an ordinary man. I did not even have my yoga powers, except that my mind was opened to some seemingly illusions because I presumed as I felt it that my chakras erupted, as my kundalini that twirled burst.

I keep talking with my fellow seminarians in Tagaytay about certain movie stars Romnick and Sheryl who as celebrities stole the scene like the contemplatives. I was told that a certain religious order were allegedly ridiculing the Franciscans of praying before a banana tree till their knees hurt. Likewise this had disturbed me and I took it seriously.

Some don’t like me talking about religious things. A certain website would likely prevent me behaving this way. So, many times I switch to love and love stories though it somehow pollutes my mind and heart. There, I can be listened. On the other hand, I enjoy writing about love though I have no brain but as they classify in the site, I have plenty of charm. Many times, my audiences are women.

But here again, we are drawing away from the story of this so-called Jessie I love, that allegedly though he is completely human yet He is also absolutely Divine. Yes, you hear it clear. He is God. In him dwells the whole fullness of the deity bodily (Colossians 2:9). He is the image of the invisible God, the first born of all creatures (Colossians 1:15). And it pleased the Father that in him all the fullness should dwell (Colossians 1:19).

Some of my friends may not be comfortable with this. But I have no choice, this is my lot: to tell about God that I may help save souls. But I’m already tired like Jesus who dispensed his listeners and rested. He is completely human for he slept in the boat. He is absolutely God for he stills the storm and walks in water. Who is this Man that even the winds and the rain, and the sea obey him? He is no other than our God.

Here, I stop again for a prayer.